A Girl Named Sonia

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Sad

The day started out alright, I was in a good mood thanks to chatting with a nice friend. But tonight has been rough. In trying to help others that suffer from depression by chatting with them in the JFT Depression Support Forum's Chat Room I was bombarded with so much negativity and hopelessness from 2 people I was talking to hoping to be able to make them feel a little better, but instead they made me feel worst. If it wasn't for the support and encouragement of a friend, I would have been triggered into a really bad/blue mood. Wouldn't feel sad right now if it wasn't for an email I got with some pictures of the head of my mother's custom made mannequin from the man who's making it. The second time he sent me pictures of the head it looked a lot like my brother and just needed very minor alterations. From the new pictures I can see that the new face does not look much like my brother. It looks like a completely different face and the nose is so long and pointy, like a witch's hook nose. I am so sad and disappointed. I hope it can be fixed.

Here are the new photos.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

How Depression Feels

This is an untitled poem written by a talented friend. When I read it I thought it so well describes how people with depression feel at times. So I asked her for permission to share it here on my blog.

My intrusive and disturbing thoughts
are keeping me up and affecting my sleep
If just for one day, I long to be normal

I wish to drift into sweet ignorance
'Cause the way that I'm feeling it's making no sense
I fear life, I fear living, fear dying, I fear breathing

Somebody please save my tormented self - out of this hole
out of this prison that I locked myself in
I don't know where to start, don't know where to begin

Feeling so unhappy with my mind keeping me captive
I long to be freed...

Kitty Cat Dance

Kitty Cat Dance - video (Very Funny)

"This always makes me smile no matter how bad I feel."

Kitty Cat Dance – Song Lyrics

CAT, I'm a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance, and I Dance Dance Dance
CAT, I'm a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance, and I Dance Dance Dance
CAT, I'm a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance, and I Dance Dance Dance
CAT, I'm a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance, and I Dance Dance Dance
CAT, I'm a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance, and I Dance Dance Dance
CAT, I'm a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance, and I Dance Dance Dance

PURRRRRAVOCATIVE POSING!
PURRRRRAVOCATIVE POSING!

CAT, I'm a kitty cat, and I meow meow meow, and I meow meow meow
CAT, I'm a kitty cat, and I meow meow meow, and I meow meow meow
CAT, I’m a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance, and I dance dance dance
CAT, I’m a Kitty cat, and I dance dance dance, and I dance dance dance

I say sexy things to myself when I'm... DAaaan-cing!
I say sexy things to myself when I'm... DAaaan-cing!

PURRRRRAVOCATIVE POSING!
PURRRRRAVOCATIVE POSING!

CAT, I’m a kitty cat, and I Boop Be Boop Babba Boop Boop Boop
CAT, I'm a kitty cat, and meow meow meow, and meow meow meow
CAT, I’m a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance, and I dance dance dance
CAT, I'm a kitty cat, and meow meow meow, and meow meow meow
CAT, I’m a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance, and I dance dance dance

(Wink)

My landlord is trying to force me to get rid of my cat!

I posted this to the JTF DSF on March 21, 2006.

I've been living in the same apartment for over 11 years and have had my cat for over 9 years. I told the landlord a couple of weeks after I got her that I was going to get a cat because I suffer from depression and didn't want to live without a pet. At the time he didn't say anything to me, but when the lease needed to be renewed he added in writing the No Pets clause which I always cross out before mailing back to him. The super has known for years that I have a cat. My next door neighbor has a cat, that they hide, I've even taken pictures of the cat. The super has a parakeet. Others in the building keep hidden pets either bird, cat or other small mammal like hamsters. A few months ago the super harassed me about my cat. Now that I'm having difficulty paying the rent the landlord asked me to get rid of my cat. And even though I told him that I would rather die, he still sent me a letter asking me to immediately remove my cat from the apartment or face legal consequences for being in violation of my lease.

Has anyone here ever had this problem? Any advice?

Posted later that day after getting some replies from JTF DSF members.

Piper wrote:
-If you give him a doctor note saying you need the animal for your well being and company, they can not make you get rid of it. I am not sure but it would be worth asking about.-

Piper,
That's what I intend to do. I will ask my psychiatrist for a letter when I see him at the end of the month.

Nikki wrote:
-He's probably using it as a bullying tactic to get your rent money...is there any reason you cannot pay your rent? If so...that might get him off your back regarding the cat... hope all works out...-

I don't think he's doing it to get my back rent, he knows I will soon pay him as soon as I get a one-shot-deal loan from the city. In 11 years this is the first time I owe him rent. And he's been a very nice landlord until now. I think he'll rather I move so that the rent can be increase in my apartment at least 40%.

Regarding the neighbors hiding pets and me doing the same... I don't think the super knows who in the building is hiding a pet, so I don't think he's asked anyone else but me to get rid of their pet. I never hid my cat from him, I was honest with him, he even saw her years ago, and now he's pretending he just found out about her. My mother also suggested I hide hide her, but I don't want to be dishonest. I will try the doctor's letter and hope he doesn't decide to take me to court, but if he does I will do my best to convince the judge that he knew about my cat for years and that I need her for my well being.

Thanks for your advice.

And

Thank you all for your support. Tonight I found some information online regarding tenants rights. I got the following info regarding pets from the NYC Rent Guidelines Board website:

Tenants may keep pets in their apartments if their lease permits pets or is silent on the subject. Landlords may be able to evict tenants who violate a lease provision prohibiting pets. In multiple dwellings in New York City and Westchester County, a no-pet lease clause is deemed waived where a tenant "openly and notoriously" kept a pet for at least three months and the owner of the building or his agent had knowledge of this fact. However, this protection does not apply where the animal causes damage, is a nuisance, or substantially interferes with other tenants. (NYC Admin. Code §27-2009.1(b); Westchester County Laws, Chapter 694). Tenants who are blind or deaf are permitted to have guide dogs regardless of a no-pet clause in their lease. (Civil Rights Law §47)

http://www.housingnyc.com/html/resources/pets.html?/about/

I found a link to the NYC Pet Law Guide:
http://www.abcny.org/Publications/pdf/Companion%20Animals.pdf

Under the federal Fair Housing Act20 people with disabilities have been successful in arguing that, in certain circumstances, landlords must allow them to have a pet who provides them with emotional support as a reasonable accommodation.21 In this situation, the pet does not have to be qualified as a guide dog, hearing dog, or other type of service animal. Disabilities do not necessarily have to be physical and may include such conditions as depression. Therefore, if a pet is determined to be medically necessary by your health care provider, a court may hold that the pet must be permitted to live in your home with you. Similar rights may also exist under State and City law.

I asked my therapist to write me a letter and will ask my psychiatrist for a letter that states that my cat is necessary for my emotional well being. My therapist is going to call my landlord and talk to him first. So, I think my landlord cannot force me to get rid of my cat. I hope he doesn't take me to court, but if he does I will fight to protect my rights as tenant.

Posted next day, March 22, 2006.

Tonight I browsed the Tenant Net web site and found a couple of Housing Court Decisions:

Type of Action or Proceeding: Holdover Proceeding - No-Pet Waiver

Issues/Legal Principles: Tenant who housed two cats and maintained litter box/food bowls in plain view is entitled to a waiver of the no-pet clause contained in her lease.

Summary: Landlord commenced the instant holdover proceeding alleging that tenant violated the no-pet clause of her lease to the extent of harboring two cats. Tenant defended arguing that the landlord waived its right to enforce the no-pet clause insofar as she openly and notoriously housed her pets in full view of the landlord and/or its agents. Landlord argued that tenant's cats were shy and hid whenever strangers such as the superintendent entered tenant's apartment. The Court held that the nature of the pet was not the determining factor but rather that of the animal owner. The Court found that the presence of the cats in the subject premises, coupled with the visibility of the litter box and food bowls to all those who entered the subject premises (including the landlord's workmen and contractors) was sufficiently open and notorious and as a result, the landlord waived its right to enforce the no-pet clause.

Found at: http://tenant.net/Court/Hcourt/index.html?x=1533

And

Type of Action or Proceeding: Holdover Proceeding - Breach of "No-Pet Clause"

Issues/Legal Principles: Landlord waived his right to invoke the "no-pet clause" upon a finding that he failed to commence holdover proceeding within ninety days after having actual knowledge of tenant's dog.

Summary: Landlord alleged that tenant violated the no-pet clause contained in the lease and that the dog was a nuisance insofar as it substantially interfered with the property rights of the other tenants. The Appellate Term upheld the lower Court's holding that the landlord waived the right to enforce this lease provision for his failure to commence the underlying proceeding within three months of learning about the presence of the dog. With respect to the landlord's claim of nuisance, the Appellate Term upheld the lower Court's holding that the landlord failed to set forth how the alleged acts of nuisance committed by the tenant substantially and unreasonably interfered with the property rights of the fellow tenants.

Found at: http://tenant.net/Court/Hcourt/index.html?x=1049

I'm sure there are a lot more cases like these.
If you find one, please share it by posting it here.

Thanks,
Sonia

Terms of Endearment

When I was married I used to use honey and honey bunches for my husband.

I call my friends sweetie, sweetheart, hon, or honey.
I had many for my cats Foxy and Mackenzie though.

Foxy's nicknames: Foxy Baby, Putti, Poopy, Poopis, Puttutie, Booboo, Bubutis, Little Puttutis, Sweet Puttis, Sweetie Poo, Cutie Pie, Pollita, Nenita, Sweetie/Little Girl, Precious Little Girl, Pretty Baby, and Baby Girl. Mackenzie's nicknames:

Mackenzie Boy, Makentie, Booboo, Bubus, Bubulous, Nene, Pollito, Sweet Bubus, Sweetie Pie, Sweetie Poo, Little Boy, Cutie Boy, Sweetie Baby, Sweet/Little Baby Boy, Little Big Boy, and Baby Boy.

Fun Off The Mark Cat Cartoons

If you like cats and funny cartoons click on the link below to see funny Off The Mark Cat Cartoons:
http://www.offthemark.com/cat.htm

Off The Mark books and other merchandise:
http://www.offthemark.com/products/products.htm
.

Fun Math Trick

Try this cool math trick for fun:

1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer?

(Someone share this in the JTF DSF. I thought this freaking awesome so I had to share it.)

JTF Depression Support Forum Posts

These are some posts I made to the Journey Towards Freedom Depression Support Forum:

Posted on March 7 & 10, 2006.
Living with Depression:

I will share a little of my history.

I have suffered from depression, probably Dysthymic Disorder, for most of my life. I was born in NYC to a dysfunctional low-middle class family. My mother was careless, neglectful and clueless. She also allowed herself to be used and abused by men. I was painfully shy and introverted so it was difficult for me to make friends. My brother, who was 2 1/2 years older than me, hated me and abused me verbally, emotionally and physically. When I was 3 years old I was sexually molested the first time, by a young man from the neighborhood. At the age of 4 my brother tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I refused to play with him for fear of being beaten by him. A couple of years later I was molested by my godfather and two male cousins. At the age of 7 I was molested by "uncle-in-law" who I had grown to love and trust as a real uncle. Because of him and because of my mother I tried to kill myself when I was 10. Also at that age I made a stand against my brother and stop his physical abuse. And I was almost raped by 3 neighbor kids. I was molested by male neighbors and old men from the neighborhood, strangers, friends of the family, cousins, and uncles.

From a very tender age I had to deal with my mother's infidelities. In over 3 occasions I had to save her life when her abusive drunk lover threatened to kill her. His abuse went on for about 3 years. On one of those occasion I physically got in from of the giant fat bastard, grabbed his gun with my hands while pointing it to my chest and dared him to shot me. I hated him so much I wanted to kill him.

Between the age of 12 and 13 I got into my first Major Depressive Episode. At 13 my mother's brother almost raped me. At 14 I started dating older boys. Before turning 15 I was date raped. At 15 I got pregnant by a boy who had dumped me and I immediately had an abortion. I had been Anorexic for about a year. For the next 2+ years I dated another loser who used me, betrayed me and broke my heart. In order to leave home, at 18 I got married to a pathological liar who turned out to also be a drug addict and later also an alcoholic. Less than a year of living with him I became very depressed and during this episode of major depression I began to binge eat and became obese. About 2 years later we separated. By 23 I was married again to another pathological liar, but at least this one did not use drugs, did not smoke, did not drink, and was responsible when it came to paying the rent and the bills. But he never trusted me enough to be truthful with me, so I could never trust him enough to love him. Also, he was into pornography which I found demeaning and disgusting. I was unhappy and got very depressed and gained a lot of weight. While trying to lose weight I became Bulimic and a Binge Eater.

I used medication to treat my depression for the first time when I was around 28. I had long ago stop being sexually intimate with my husband so we ended up getting divorce after more than 7 years together, before turning 30. I found myself living alone for the first time in my life. I had lost my marriage, had recently lost my job, had to get surgery to remove my gallbladder, after being sick for 10 years, so I fell into another deep depression.

Learning about God by studying the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses help me come out my major depression and I was able to control it, at least for a while. But about 2 years ago my life took another turn for the worst. My family were having a lot of problems. One of my cousins needs a kidney transplant. Many have financial problems. Then I lost my job, which I wasn't expecting, while I was still deep in credit card debt. A few months later I saw my brother died unexpectedly, and had to call the family and take care of his funeral arrangements, and had to care for my mother for over a month while neglecting myself and my 2 cats. My brother's death affected me a lot more than I ever imagine it would, but I was unable to mourn. Not long after I got in another major depression, but this time I found myself in extreme emotional pain.

The next year I lost one of my beloved cats to renal cancer. I had been unable to do anything, including caring for myself and my home. I haven't clean my apartment in more than a year and sometimes, when deeply depressed, can spend a week without taking a shower. I am unable to work or function normally. I spend most of my time home alone watching television while sitting on my fat butt. At night I don't sleep well or enough and in the day I sometimes sleep too much. Last year I felt I wanted to die so I started therapy and taking medication for double depression (Dystymic Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder).

For sometime I had been wanting to hurt myself, so a few weeks ago I started to self-injure by cutting my lower arms with a kitchen scissor. I felt some relief the first time I did it, so a couple of weeks ago, about a month after the first time, I did it again, I cut my upper arms with an exacto knife. But the cuts were a little bigger and deeper than the first time, so they looked a lot worst. The next day during a physical exam the doctor saw the cuts and sent me to the Emergency Room. I spent the night awake and in the company of a police officer. Thankfully, I was allowed to go home the next day. This happened less than 2 weeks ago.

For the past few months I had been feeling abandoned, neglected, forgotten, unimportant, and the first time I cut myself I was feeling a lot of self hate. I don't intend to keep cutting myself, I really don't want to be hospitalized since I don't want to leave my cat alone for days. But I still feel the need for more intense treatment. Seeing my therapist once a week for 40 minutes is not enough. So I am trying to get into a day treatment. I am trying to remain calm while waiting for a letter of eviction from my landlord. I'm still waiting to find out if I am approved for temporary disability benefits. Don't know how I'm going to pay the bills next month. Trying not to lose it by remaining calm or "numb". Hope to be able to deal with my double depression and improve my life in the near future.

And

Just wanted to thank everyone for their support. Thank you. In reply to Stranger, if I lose my apartment I can live in my parents' attic, but I much rather not to. I'm hoping I won't lose my apartment. About the "uncle in law" who molested me when I was 7 and all the other guys who molested me, none were ever accused or prosecuted because I stayed silent and didn't tell my parents about it until I was already in my 20's. When you are a shy neglected child who's abused you find it hard to tell anyone what you are going through and you feel kinda guilty or responsible for letting it happen. I still feel I'm partly to blame for what happened to me and that is the main reason why it's hard for me to forgive myself and learn to love myself. I've felt like I don't deserve God's forgiveness or love, but I know that's because of the depression. I need to rely on God more instead of on relying on myself. I've been feeling a little better this week even though I am pretty worry about the possibility of losing my apartment. I told some of my friends what I've been going through, so now I can have more of their support.
Thank you all for caring. May Jehovah God help and strengthen all of you.

Psalms 55:22

Posted on March 9, 2006.
I reached out to some of my friends and they have been very comforting and supportive. Here are some of the emails I got from some of my wonderful friends:

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Wed, 8 Mar 2006 10:37:52

Hi Sonia - I know what you are going through - because I have suffered from depression myself. Depression is very hard to deal with. It is almost easier to have a pain somewhere, but be of good spirit. It paralyzes you, no interest to do anything. But you are doing the right thing. Writing a journal is a good start. Try your best to make the meetings, because the encouragement from the friends helps. But I know that during depression one is tempted to withdraw from anybody and just stay alone. But that is not good.
Warm regards,
K.

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Wed, 8 Mar 2006 10:57:07

Sonia I was concerned about you and well I know you suffer from depression and I truly hope you are doing well. I know depression in that magnitude can really be hard. I know because my mom suffers from that all her life and has been on meds all her life but she's doing great. I think most importantly she's been doing well its because although she is not in the truth, she too prays to JAH and maintains a close relationship. I know for a fact that the power of prayer can be awesome and JAH does lovingly listen to our cries. I know he listens to you too. She also puts forth effort into thinking positive and keeps herself busy doing positive things that will make her feel better too. Since we are in the truth the things we need to do is keep busy doing JAH's will and that is go out on service and be around our brothers and sisters for positive spiritual encouragement -- this can be contagious and uplifting for us internally. I know it helps me and makes me realize how fortunate I am to know JAH and have wonderful spiritual family too. We care and worry about you and want the best for you... SO PLEASE JOIN US NEXT WEEK AND PUT IT DOWN IN YOUR CALENDAR TOO - WE HAVE CONFIDENCE THAT YOU CAN DO IT.
Y.

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Wed, 8 Mar 2006 14:26:36

Sonia - First and foremost I want to apologize to you for what "they" put you through. I know it has been rough and I just can't believe so much trauma has been in your life. One thing I want you to realize is that you are not the one with the problem, they are the ones with the problems and what they did to you WAS ABSOLUTELY WRONG. You are beautiful inside and out and you WERE NOT IN ANY WAY AT FAULT FOR WHAT THEY DID TO YOU. Remember JAH knows your heart conditions and a lot of your decisions that you might have made were done because of what THEY DID TO YOU AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER. My judgment would be clouded as well if I had so many traumatic things happen to me simultaneously TOO. I know this is so difficult for your to express yourself that way and I'm glad that you opened up to us and to the forum that will help you. I think what you also have to remember is this part of your healing process internally to stop making you feel guilty of things that happened and that you were at fault is to begin to learn to forgive those who hurt you. My basis for this statement is because God loved the world so much that he gave up his son so that we can have everlasting life and to have the chance to be forgiven of our sins. It's wonderful that JAH can forgive us for our sins when HE DOESN'T HAVE TO but JAH who is so GRAND AND LOVING does it to us THEN WE IN TURN HAVE TO LEARN TO FORGIVE THEM. Tell yourself that these people who did this must have been ignorant and really truly didn't know what THEY WERE DOING and MAYBE THEY TOO LEARNED THIS BEHAVIOR FOR HAVING BEEN MOLESTED TOO. Once you start to forgive them inside and they don't have to know that you forgave them, for all we know they think you don't even remember because you were so YOUNG and perhaps they thought you were NAIVE. Once you start to convince yourself that you have forgiven them and that its ok, you have to forgive yourself to for EVEN REMOTELY THINKING IT WAS YOUR FAULT, IT WASN'T IT WAS THEIRS. You need to develop a stronger relationship with JAH make him real in your life..you need to feel him in your heart and feel him walking side by side with you each step of the way. It may not be easy but YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO PUT EFFORT TOO so that JAH CAN REACH OUT TO YOU AS WELL. HE IS DEF. A LISTENER OF PRAYERS AND CAN SEE YOUR HEART CONDITION. JAH LOVES YOU AND ADORES YOU and he WOULD NEVER EVER WANT YOU TO TAKE YOUR LIFE AWAY. Remember to JAH life is VERY PRECIOUS and if he doesn't want us to smoke or take drugs or do things that will take away from living a healthy life, what makes you think that he would approve of you wanting to take your life away. He wants you to do the same thing and appreciate LIFE.. REMEMBER LIFE IS SACRED TO JAH AND WELL HE WANTS YOU TO STAY HERE AND ENJOY LIFE and once you start to get closer to JAH, he will definitely see a way OUT OF ALL OF THIS and YOU TOO WILL FIND PEACE AND YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS E-MAIL AND ONE DAY YOU WILL NOT HAVE THIS PROBLEM YOU HAVE. HE WILL MAKE SURE THINGS WILL BE OK AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY ON THIS EARTH TOO...Again I'm sorry for what they did to you cause you didn't deserve it NO ONE DOES but you can be guaranteed it WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. Take care of your temple that GOD gave you and IT WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU...you will be ok...just keep meditating on JAH'S WORD..MAKE HIM REAL...REACH OUT TO FRIENDS EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU ARE NAGGING..YOU AREN'T...JUST CALL EVERYONE AND DON'T EVER FEEL THAT IF SOMEONE DOESN'T CALL YOU BACK RIGHT AWAY THAT THEY DON'T LOVE YOU...JUST REACH OUT FOR SOMEONE ELSE UNTIL THAT PERSON CALLS YOU BACK...WE CARE FOR YOU AND JAH WANTS US TO HELP YOU TOO.
Y.

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Wed, 08 Mar 2006 16:32:14

Sonia, I read your post. I just want to say that you are so brave by sharing this. I never knew you went through so much...I'm so sorry all that happened. You must be so angry and hurt that your own family members treated you that way and allowed things to happen. Then after the anger dissipates, you are left with feelings of worthlessness. Sonia, you are truly a wonderful person. Try to focus on the positive. Although we just can't forget the past, and although thinking about it causes us pain, we have to find a way to move on. And it may take years to do that. A lot of our pain comes from our "self talk" or messages we tell ourselves. With depression and anxiety we need to learn how to change our thinking pattern - it's not easy to do, I know. I wish that one day I could be cured from anxiety, but in reality it may never leave me. The fears that would consume me, I tried switching my thoughts. While on the plane, I get fearful of crashing. Then I say to myself "So what" Worrying about it won't save me, so I might as well relax while I'm on the plane. I too, wish to be cured of the fear of flying...but oh well. Anyway, here are some good qualities that you have, that you should focus on:

You are generous & kind
You are thoughtful
You are trying your best with the truth - Jah will sustain you
You are great company
You are a great photographer - with an artistic eye. You capture the moments between the friends, and they all love you.
You take good care of your pets

All that stuff in the past, it is all behind you. It may hurt, but they can't do anything to you now. You are living on your own and can truly be away from things that are upsetting - although you have family problems - you have your own space. I know you have a serious depression, but you can get through this. We're all here for you. Don't give up.
M.

-----Original Message-----
From: Sonia
Sent: Thu, 09 Mar 2006

Thank you so much for all your kind words. You are such a beautiful kind and loving sisters. Thank you for your support and encouragement. May Jehovah bless you.

I don't think much about the things that happened to me, after all the traumas I learned to numb myself, but in order to understand my problem with depression I had to analyze my history. Since I was a little girl that believed in God and Jesus, I had difficulty hating even my abusers, so I have been able to forgive them long ago. I just have difficulty forgiving myself and still have to learn to love myself. That is why it has been difficult for me to form a close relationship with Jah, because I feel I don't deserve it or I'm not worthy of it. I know the reason I think and feel that way is because of the depression and because of the wicked one. I have been relying on myself and not on Jah. It is my goal to change, to get better, and to seek a relationship with Jah. I will try my best to go to the meeting and keep in contact with my spiritual family. I didn't intend to nor want to ever kill myself. That is not why I hurt myself. I did it because of the guilt and hate I was feeling, and because I was in so much emotional pain I felt like hurting myself, but I didn't want to die or kill myself. I have been so depressed that I wanted to die before, but not when I cut myself and not now. And I know how Jah feels and know that my life does not belong to me, but to him. So don't worry about that. I will take your advice and will seek out Jah and the friends and will stop isolating myself. Thank you.

Love,

Sonia

Some of my symptoms of Double Depression (Dysthymic Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder):

Long term clinical depression or cyclothymia (cycles of low level depression and hypomania), emotional detachment or numbing of feelings (emotional self-mortification, dysregulation or dissociation), impaired coping skills, avoidance (avoid contact with everything and everyone, even my own thoughts), stress-triggered anxiety, isolation (feel isolated and lacking in social support, abandoned), irritability, insomnia or problem sleeping, difficulty concentrating for long periods of time, memory problems, borderline-like behavior, pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. (Impulsive behavior-excessive spending, history of binge eating and other eating disorders).

Reason some people self-injure: It is a behavioral response to an emotional state without suicide intent, to end a dissociated or unreal-feeling state, to ground themselves and come back to reality, relief from emotional distress, overwhelming emotional pain or numbness, replacing a strong uncomfortable emotion or panicky jittery trapped feeling for a calm bad feeling in an attempt to maintain psychological integrity, a way to keep from killing themselves. They release unbearable feelings and pressures through self-harm which eases their urge towards suicide.

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thu, 9 Mar 2006 09:33:57

Sonia - thanks for providing me that information about the symptoms. That helps a lot for us brothers/sisters to help understand why you feel the way you feel, but I know you will overcome this obstacle because in my heart I see a beautiful loving and warm person who cares about life and people and esp. cats. I know you have it in your heart to want to overcome these obstacles because you truly do love life and wish things were differently and things will definitely be different for you. Keep up the great work about opening up to us and well also try to keep yourself busy and keep in contact always with your brothers and sisters you know so that we can help out and its good that your reached out also to the elders. I admire that about you so much that you are reaching out and truly trying to work things out. I hope that things work out with apartment and that you get approved for disability because you do have a disability you just have to prove it to them because they are so hard about giving money out for disability unless you are truly impaired and I know you are and you need professional help, and I hope you get a good social worker or person in that office to help you with paper work. I know you just have to keep going to see a psychologist and psychotherapist for the rest of your life so that you can continue to get that help, but I hope you get everything you hope for. We are thinking about you and you are in our prayers SONIA.
Y.

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thu, 09 Mar 2006 11:40:00 -0500

Dear Y.,
I think you are in the wrong profession, you should have been a mental health therapist. You have the rare ability to comfort people with your words. Jah has blessed you with a loving heart and discerning mind. You are such a beautiful soul. Thank you for your heartfelt compassion which has increased my love for you.

Sending you a big hug.

Sonia

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thu, 9 Mar 2006 08:29:49

Good morning Sonia,
I hope you are feeling ok today. You may find it hard to believe, but I am very familiar with many symptoms you are describing in the first paragraph. I have suffered from anxiety / depression all of my life. Thankfully, I am better now than I have been. But I am also on a low dose of Paxil to take off the edge. One thing that has helped me is that I was always able to have family support and a great job to keep me going. Try not to isolate yourself, go to the meeting even if you don't feel like it. You will feel better once you get there. We have to find certain coping mechanisms that make it easier - only Jehovah can heal us in the new system.
Keep in touch - Greetings,
K.

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thu, 09 Mar 2006 11:08:45

Good morning K.,
Thank you for telling me about your experience with depression. Only those who have experience living with depression understand what it is like and how difficult it can be to try to be and feel "normal". I will try to stop isolating myself and to make it to the meetings. I'll keep in contact with my dear sisters as well as the elders. I'm already feeling a lot better since receiving encouraging and comforting emails from some of the friends I have confided in, including yours, I'm so glad I did. I no longer feel abandoned by the congregation. I had a shepherding call about 2 weeks ago and I told the elders about what I have been going through, so now they will keep in contact with me and offer their help. I hope to be in control of my depression soon, and be able to have a good relationship with Jah, and hope to be able to help others that are going through similar experiences. Again, thank you very much for caring and for your support.
Love,

Sonia

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thu, 9 Mar 2006 11:48:17

Sonia - Thanks for your wonderful thoughtful words...I'm just happy to be able to help you and it truly comes from my heart. I want you to be better and realize that all of this is just a dream..a distant one and things will one day be like a wonderful sunny day where things that happened before will one day seem like nothing and your life will be full of wonderful rainbows full of color and life.
Y.

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thu, 9 Mar 2006 11:20:47

Hi again my dear sister,
your email brought tears to my eyes Sonia - you know why - because I was in a very similar situation. I opened up to an elder and also had a shepherding call last weekend - it made me feel so much more connected and encouraged. I know it is easier said than done when feeling depressed because the most natural inclination is to withdraw from the world and to isolate oneself. Then we feel abandoned even more. The elders I spoke to were so surprised to hear my story - because unless we open up and tell others, they don't know what we are going through, and then they can't help us. Jehovah is a loving shepherd, and the friends are kind and caring. We have to reach out to one another and hold each other up. Just some kind words make a big difference - believe me - I know.

We'll get together soon - may be we can work together in field service now that the weather is getting better. See you soon - hopefully this Saturday at the meeting.
K.

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thu, 9 Mar 2006 3:01:36 AM EST

Sonia I didn’t know all of this, I’m sorry. Have you spoken to the elders? They can help you, you also have to pray. Please don’t feel that you’re not worthy of Jehovah’s love, look at Saul he was a murderer!! And you have gone thru a lot, but please you shouldn’t punish yourself more. Satan is trying to get you. I know you know all of this but you have to believe it, and keep it in you’re head all the time! Don’t let Satan win, don’t cut yourself! MAKE yourself go to all the meetings! Make yourself do things that you may not want to do but that r good for you. Don’t sit at home and be sad, it just makes it worse and Satan is watching you, pleased with where he’s got you. I think you may need another form of medication because whatever you’re taking isn’t working. There is also a hospital that I know is very good in Long Island called South Oaks. You may need to be hospitalized for a little bit, but don’t you think it would be for you’re own best interests? This hospital is excellent, and its like a hotel, not like Elmhurst or anything like that. you will feel better but you have to do something about it! Or at least tell the elders that you want help and they will help you but you have to accept it. If you were to hurt yourself you would never go to paradise! Hang on! It’s coming soon! Just yesterday someone was saying that they think they know who the king of the north is… and you know what? It’s very very near. -…- I feel it! Sonia you have my support and if you want to hang out with me during the day call me!! We can do something! We can write poetry together also! There’s lots of things that help. you will be ok but you have to believe it and turn to Jehovah! He is waiting for you to turn to him! Throw you’re burden upon Jehovah!! I am not saying all of these things from my own mind, not everything, a lot of it is just coming to me as I write, I think Jehovah talks to you thru you’re friends. Ok Sonia please call me! and we can do stuff! Do you like art? Let’s do some art work, or service or something!!! Sonia you are very loved, ok?! Please believe that! We love you!!! ok?! And most importantly Jehovah does too. just last night I was praying to him and I felt this calmness come over me... and i gave way to tears because I felt intense love for Jehovah, and I felt like he was listening to me which he was. -…- I didn’t feel worthy of it, and I was praying to Jehovah to help me and halfway thru my prayer I just got this feeling -…- I haven’t felt that for a very long time if ever… so please do the same just pray to him RIGHT now pour you’re heart out to him RIGHT NOW! Ok?! I love you Sonia. Bye…
V.

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thu, 09 Mar 2006 12:40:04

My dear sister,

Thank you for your wonderful words of support and encouragement. Since I opened up to the some of the friends and elders I have been receiving great support and encouragement. I am so glad I confided in them and you. Now I no longer feel abandoned and I'm starting to feel less depressed. My medication was increased a few weeks ago and I can now feel the difference, but more than that the caring compassion I have gotten from my dear friends has help me to feel better. I thank Jah for my beautiful spiritual family. Like you, others have encouraged me to seek Jah thru heartfelt prayer, and stop isolating myself by going to the meetings, going out in service and keeping in contact with all the caring friends. I'm so glad I can count you as one of my friends. I would love to spend time with you and keep in touch. I hope I am able to be there for you too if you ever need me. I'm happy for you, that you have a close relationship with Jah. I love you very much. Take care. See you soon.

Sonia

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thu, 16 Mar 2006 16:11:41

Dear Sonia,

Sorry I haven't written. […] I wanted to tell you that if I saw you I would give you a great big hug then cry with you if you needed it but I know from being around you that you are actually a very strong person, at least that’s how I see you. Yes, you had it really hard growing up and yes there are things that you need to definitely work on because of it BUT you still are a Tough Cookie. I see it! Unless you're only like that with me ...

Sonia, Jehovah loves you, he knows what’s in your heart more than you do that’s why he's holding on to you don't forget that or take it for granted. Hold on to him, reach out for him too! He needs you to grab hold of him ... that’s the only way you can climb out of this hole that you’re in, it takes two - YOU AND JEHOVAH! You know you need to be at the meetings, or out in service or helping out another fellow believer if they needed it. BUT knowing and actually doing are to different things. I hope this doesn't sound as though I'm being insensitive ... I just know from my own experiences that I feel better when I'm doing right by Jehovah, not that I have had moments in my life like you but you have come a long way ... don't let Satan get the better of you and make you think that all that you've done and accomplished for Jehovah is in vain BECAUSE IT'S NOT! Fight Sonia! When you don't have the energy or motivation to do anything fight against those urges and feelings, pray to Jehovah to give you the strength and PROVE SATAN A LIAR ... that you still love Jehovah and despite all that you have gone thru you continue to love him and serve him ... I pray that today as well as every day gets you a bit closer to Jehovah ...

Love you and miss you,

JDR

Posted on March 11, 2006.

Before I was diagnosed last year by a psychiatrist with Double Depression (Dystymic Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder) I had already diagnosed myself with Dysthymia and Major Depression. I had done some research on the different types of Mental Illnesses, including Borderline Personality Disorder, and though I experience some of the symptoms, which are shared by other mental disorders, I have never been diagnosed with it. I don't know if I have BPD, since I don't experience episodes of extreme anger or aggression. I might have Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder which share some of the characteristics paralleling those of Borderline Personality Disorder. But since I only spend about 30 minutes once a week with my therapist (a social worker), and about 15 minutes with a psychiatrist once a month, I don't think I will get diagnosed with BPD or C-PTSD. But at least I understand my condition better from doing my own research.

Posted by Maves:
Hi Sonia, Sounds like you've done your homework and you're right, anger/aggression is a pretty big part of BPD. I just had the experience of wondering why my bipolar meds weren't working better and then discovering that I had BPD lurking about as well. Since I've been dealing with the BPD I've felt tons better. Personality disorders are pretty common and definitely under-diagnosed so I suspect them at every turn. (I sure hope you aren't offended! ) Double depression is plenty hard to deal with without any other baggage. I've also had dysthymia to keep me company in between bouts of depression/mania and that constant, nagging low-grade depression can really eat at you. It becomes how you think you are. I think it's great that you're motivated to do extra work on your own, in addition to therapy. Not sure what kind of therapy you're doing but cognitive behavioral therapy is a good way to turn your thinking around toward the positive pretty quickly, and there's lots of workbooks out there to do on your own. There's a pretty basic one, "Feeling Good" by David Burns, that I would recommend, it's geared toward milder depression but the tools are all the same. Just some thoughts. It's really good that you are taking steps to feel better, sometimes even the slightest movement can take a weight off because you start feeling like you can do it. And you can! Good luck.

Posts made March 26, 2006.

I have those days sometimes. Today I spent all day web surfing and posting on this forum, trying to keep myself from feeling depressed. I have so many things to do but have not been able to force myself to do them. I have tons of laundry that need sorting and washing. My cat's litter box is way over due for a scooping. There's garbage I have to bag and take out. Papers to shred. Eyebrows to pluck. Phone calls to make. Appointments to schedule. Cleaning and organizing to do...And many more things... But instead of doing anything I need to do or anything I want to do, like something artistic or listening to music, or read a new Bible based publication... I end up spacing out, procrastinating and not doing anything. Today, instead of sleeping all day I sat on my butt in front of the computer trying to keep myself busy so that I don't have to think about all the things I have to do or all the things that make me worry and give me anxiety. Like all the rent I owe. The landlord trying to force me to get rid of my cat. Lawyers still calling me about the money I still owe for a student loan. The 10 grands credit card debt I have. The other bills I need money to pay every month. I'm so used to being numb and not think about my problems which prevents me from getting too anxious or stress but also stop me from trying to find a solution for them. For me to do something I really have to push push and push myself many times before I can actually do it. Suck! :sigh:

So tired...
Feeling so tired of feeling down and feeling frozen or numb.Trying not to feel lonely, ignored and abandoned. :sigh:

The Silent Abuse-Emotional Abuse
I was emotionally abused all through my growing up years, mainly by my neglectful mother and abusive brother. And after 30+ years of trying to care for others and not taking care of myself I have had enough. I'm tired and it's time for me to be selfish and try my best to take care of myself emotionally. It's time for me to start healing.

Posted on March 27, 2006.

:sulk:
I wonder how many people would show up to my funeral when I die.I wonder how many of the people that care enough to show up, really cared about me.I wonder how many people would really miss me.I wonder how many people would ever think about me again.And if someone thinks about me, I wonder what she will remember about me.I wonder how long would my mother mourn for me. I wonder if anyone would ever think about me again.I wonder how long before I am forgotten...
:sigh:

Here's one of the nice comments I got from a JTF DSF member:

I can relate to these thoughts. Please know it is one of those dark moments talking. I too hope that you are able to contact your friends soon. I know the feeling of getting down when it seems the friends/loved ones can't be reached. Just try to remember the last time you saw them after having thoughts like this (probably laughed about it later, eh?).

You are not a forgettable person, and I have only seen you on the forum! Your personality is very distinct and individual. I'm betting if I met ya in person I could not forget you if I tried. (That's a compliment!)

Hope you're feeling okay.
silentandblue

___
Another week I wasted. Haven't heard from my friends. Starting to feel sad :abandoned: again. Been trying to reach my friends for days, but they are not answering their cell phone or replying to my voice mails or emails. I don't think they understand how much I need their support right now. I know they care about me and wish for me to feel better, but they don't realize how bad I feel when they don't call me and are not available when I call them. I think that my friend went to a time-shared apartment in the Poconos where they go every year for a 3 day weekend. I was privileged enough to be included in the group for 2 years, but last year and this year, when I've been the most depressed, I was not included. I feel so left out :abandoned: and sad. :sigh: If things don't get better or change soon I fear I will fall into another Major Depressive episode.

___
(((K_Mamma)))
I'm so sorry for the abused you endured from your brother while growing up. Just wanted to share that I too was physically and verbally abused by my brother. He even tried to stab me with a large kitchen knife when I was 4 years old. He used to tell me that he prayed to the devil to kill me and take me to hell. He would beat me for no reason and my mother never did anything to stop him. Though he was always misbehaving he was always her precious favorite son and she babied him too much, so much he was afraid to sleep alone or in the dark, was teased by boys in the neighborhood because he was such a wimp (I used to defend him and save him from bullies). Since he was a child he hated woman so he became a homosexual. He used to abuse animals too and was always antisocial. Maybe he had some type of schizophrenia even though he was smart and artistic. He never became a drug addict or alcoholic, but couldn't have a good friend since he was never one. I took his physical abuse until I was 10 and physically strong enough, as well as mad enough, to defend myself. But he continued to be verbally and emotionally abusive until I left home and got married at 18. So I have a good idea of what you have been through and understand your depression.

Hope you are getting the therapy you need to learn to feel better and control your depression. Just remind yourself everyday that what happened to you was not your fault!
:hugs:

___
I see a mental health therapist once a week, a social worker once a week and a psychiatrist once a month for my prescription. I also go to art therapy once a week. I have religious meeting 3 times a week, but I usually miss most of them or go about once a week. The only time I go out of my apartment is to go to my appointments or meetings and to go to do groceries with my parents (also once a week). I take 60mg of Prozac which I think help me get out of the major depressive episode I was in for many months, but I still have to deal with the dysthymia. I'd probably be doing better if I didn't have so many things that causes me anxiety. Also, maybe if I was in a day treatment program that emphasizes art therapy I would do better. My social worker will help me call a bunch of places to find one that has a day treatment program with art therapy in my borough, I live in Queens, NY.

I go thru many mood changes during the day, some days I feel better than others and some days I feel like I did last night, disconnected, lonely, numb, anxious. More often than not I feel emotionally dissociated which increases my feelings of depression. I have a hard time opening up to people about my problems, feeling that I don't want to bother anyone or be a burden to anyone, or not feeling worthy of anyone's attention. And all my life I had to learn to do things alone and rely mainly on myself, so I almost never ask anyone for help. That is why it took me more than 30 years to seek therapy and take medication to treat my depression. I thought I could handle it alone. But due to a lot of stressful situations in the past 2 years I reached the point where I was ready to ask for and accept help.

Friends always say that if you need them to confide in them and to call them whenever I need someone to talk to, so I finally confided in them and asked for their help. They said they would be there if and when I needed them, but whenever I call them they are not available. Like this weekend. I felt the need to talk to my friends, but all my phone calls went unanswered. If I had felt like cutting myself last night I wouldn't have been able to talk to any of them. Don't worry, I don't want to hurt myself. I spent all night online looking at other people's posts and posting in the JTF forums. I need to start relying on God more and go back to my Bible studying, I stop reading when my depression made it difficult for me to concentrate. Somehow I need to motivate myself to do things I need and want to do.

Thank you all very much for caring. Have a wonderful week. Hope everyone feels better. Take care.
Sonia

Why?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is it that to stop Windows 95 or 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy booze when you can't drink and drive?

Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

Why did kamakazi pilots wear crash helmets?

Men's Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! (Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!)

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!

I had forgotten where I found the Men's Rules, but while web surfing today I found it at the following web site: http://www.waynesthisandthat.com/wisdom.htm, But I think there are some rules that are different or were not in the first one I posted. So here they are in case you'll like to read them.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand and don't assume our forgeting one is failing some sort of love-test.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. (It doesn't mean we don't love you anymore. We're hard-wired to ogle.)

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.

We are not mind readers and never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but figure you really want to punish us with your inscrutability.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

More Rules to live by!

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize " and "You are right. "

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody! "

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her...BELIEVE them.

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?'

8. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

9. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

10. Work is good, but it's not that important.

11. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

My Drawings

Me

I've always been very camera shy and have very few pics of myself. I rather be on the other side of the camera, taking the pics. I have such few pics of the last decade and now I wish I'd allowed more pics taken of me just for remembrance.

This is one of my most current pic, taken with web cam on Nov. 2008.

The two pics below were taken a few years ago.

Gosh, I'm white!

My parents

Brother Mannequin

Does he look like my brother? What do you think?

These are photos of my brother Carlos Javier.

Some funny jokes

Some funny jokes I found online:

Subject: Can one be too honest?

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. She turns to her husband and says, "You know, I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my stomach hangs, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby. Could you tell me something positive to make me feel good about myself."
He thinks about it for a bit and says, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Medical Advice

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.

4. The Italians drink large amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.

6. Ukrainians drink a lot of vodka, eat a lot of perogies, cabbage rolls and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Best Break-Up line

An Army Ranger was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend, in which she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone, she wanted to break up with him, and she wanted back the photo of herself she had given him. So the Ranger did what any squared-away Ranger would do. He went around to his buddies and collected photos of as many beautiful women as he could find. He then mailed them to his girlfriend with the following note: "I'm sorry, I can't remember which one you are, but please take the one that belongs to you and send the rest back."

Horse Race

A man was sitting quietly watching television when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a newspaper.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied.

The man began perspiring, then quickly explained, "OH that! Uh... well, two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."

Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet.

When he came to, he asked, "What was that for?"

She replied "Your horse called."

Potato garden!

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

"Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me if you weren't in prison. Love, Dad"

Shortly, the old man received this telegram: "FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was, "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you at this time."

Genius Dog

A butcher is busy at work when he notices a dog in his shop. He walks over and notices that the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note which reads, "May I please have a pound of sausages?" The butcher looks at the dog and notices a ten dollar bill tucked under its collar. He takes the money, puts the sausages in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. The dog walks down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The butcher's eyes go round as the dog comes to a bus stop, examines a timetable, checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus. Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, stands on his hind legs and pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, with the butcher still following. They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. A big burly man opens the door and starts yelling at him.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for God's sake!"

"He's not so clever," the man says. "This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

Colleges and insane asylums both are mental institutions in a way. But you have to show some improvement to graduate from an asylum.

Kitten Joke

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."

"How did you know that?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

Animal Crackers

When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.

"What are you doing?" his Mom asked.

"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

Expensive Veterinary Bill

A man went to let his old dog out one morning, but the dog didn't move. He prodded and shook the dog, but to no avail. The man took him to a veterinarian.

After examining the dog the vet said, "Sir, I'm afraid your dog has passed away."

The man replied, "I can't believe it. I want a second opinion."

The vet left the room and came back with a cat and placed it on the examining table with the dog. The cat proceeded to sniff the dog and walked around it several times looking at it intently. After a few minutes he jumped off the table, sat in the corner and placed his paws over his eyes.

The vet said, "See, it's just as I said, your dog is gone."

The man still did not believe it and wanted another opinion. The vet then went out and returned with a Labrador Retriever. The retriever put his paws up on the table, looked at the other dog, sniffed him, and then went over with the cat and sat with his paws over his eyes.

The vet placed a hand on the man's shoulder, "There can be no doubt, your dog is dead."

The man finally shook his head sadly. "I will really miss him; we've been together for a long time. Well, what do I owe you?"

The vet replied, "Two hundred and eighty-five dollars."

The man was dumbfounded. "TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-FIVE DOLLARS! WHY SO MUCH?"

The vet answered, "Fifty for the office call, one hundred and twenty-five for the Cat scan, and one hundred and ten for the Lab work."

The Politics of Cows

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

Train Ride

Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blond and a frightfully awful looking fat lady were on a train together. Several minutes of the trip, the train passed through a dark tunnel and everyone heard the sound of a loud slap. When they exited the tunnel, Clinton had a big red mark on his cheek.

The blond thought, "That Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face."

The fat lady thought, "That dirty old Bill Clinton laid his hands on the blond and she smacked him."

Bill Clinton thought, "George put his hand on that blond and by mistake she slapped me."

George Bush thought, "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again."

Parking Spot

An Irishman late for an important meeting is frantically driving through town looking for a parking spot. Finally in desperation he leans out of the window and looks to the heavens.

"Lord," he yells. "If you'll just make a parking spot appear I promise to go to mass every week for the rest of my life and give up Irish whiskey."

Suddenly he spots a parking spot just ahead of him. He leans back out of the window.
"Never mind, I found one myself."

Jokes found at: http://www.waynesthisandthat.com/funnys.htm

.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Curtain Rods

She spent the first day packing her personal belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come to collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished her 'last supper,' she went into each and every room and deposited a half dozen half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped liberally in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

Leaving no trace in the home she loved, she then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local Realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10 of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

I Love A Happy Ending, Don't You?

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.

(Love this. Also found at JTF DSF.)
.

The Donkey

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries. (Most never happen)
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more
5. Expect less

NOW -------- Enough of that crap . . .

The donkey later came back, and bit the **it out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

You have two choices . . . Smile and close this page, or pass this along to someone else to spread the fun. I know what I did!

(Someone posted this on the JTF DSF and I had to share it.)

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Send a funny Monk-e-mail

To send a Monk-e-mail to your friends click on the following link:
http://careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/Default.aspx?cbRecursionCnt=2&cbsid=12a49503edd44271867e32b28732e3c7-197591774-RF-1

*

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Favorite Music Videos

A Girl Named Sonia

: Name: Sonia Who?; Location: New York, NY, United States

I'm a little shy, sometimes introverted, live kind of a boring life, but I can be friendly, humble and non-judgemental, and can be very good friend. I love cats, expecially my baby girl Foxy. I like photography, especially like to photograph cats (mine and others) and my friends having a good time. I enjoy listening to good music, great movies, funny, entertaining, educational, and interesting shows on TV. I like to karaoke with friends. I enjoy reading scifi fanfic like Star Wars. I like art and would like to learn to sculpture and paint. Would like to be a professional photographer and digital photo editor, and an art therapist so I can create an art therapy group for children and adults with mental illness. I enjoy spending time with caring friends, but also appreciate my time alone. I'm a private person, but honest and open, and sometimes tend to say more than I should. I am not looking for a romantic relationship with anyone and do not date. Hate cursing, so please do not use curse words!

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A Girl Named Sonia

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Sad

Sunday, April 09, 2006

How Depression Feels

Kitty Cat Dance

My landlord is trying to force me to get rid of my cat!

Terms of Endearment

Fun Off The Mark Cat Cartoons

Fun Math Trick

JTF Depression Support Forum Posts

Why?

Men's Rules

Saturday, April 08, 2006

My Drawings

Me

My parents

Brother Mannequin

Some funny jokes

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Curtain Rods

The Donkey

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Send a funny Monk-e-mail

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Favorite Music Videos

A Girl Named Sonia

About Me

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