Men's Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! (Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!)

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!


I had forgotten where I found the Men's Rules, but while web surfing today I found it at the following web site: http://www.waynesthisandthat.com/wisdom.htm, But I think there are some rules that are different or were not in the first one I posted. So here they are in case you'll like to read them.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand and don't assume our forgeting one is failing some sort of love-test.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. (It doesn't mean we don't love you anymore. We're hard-wired to ogle.)

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.

We are not mind readers and never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but figure you really want to punish us with your inscrutability.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)



More Rules to live by!

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize " and "You are right. "

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody! "

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her...BELIEVE them.

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?'

8. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

9. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

10. Work is good, but it's not that important.

11. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.